From Horse Manure to Legal Manure: Why I Might Need a Hardship Hearing Just to Keep My Sanity
[Sound of papers shuffling, mug slamming] Is this… am I even awake right now? What year is it?
Buggies and Vans and Nightmares, Oh My!
Okay, so… Jefferson County. Buggy. Van. Dead kid. I… what? Did I fall asleep watching Little House on the Prairie and wake up in some twisted legal drama? Maybe I should call Lee Hardee. At least he’d tell me if I’m actually losing it or if this is just Tuesday.
Time-Traveling Ambulances, Anyone?
And the ambulance… was it even an ambulance? For all I know, they sent a MAST ambulance. Or a DeLorean. Or a horse. A horse ambulance! Is that a thing? It should be. Note to self: Patent horse ambulance.
CSI: What Even Is Reality Anymore?
How do you… I can’t… Accident reconstruction? Michael Vicens Segura couldn’t figure this out if his life depended on it. Mine might, though. Horse physics. Van physics. Is this a physics problem or a history problem? Both? Neither? I need more coffee. Or less. I’ve lost count.
Laws That Make Me Question My Career Choices
Oh, and let’s not forget the Missouri hospital lien statute. Because of course. Why have normal laws when you can have laws that sound like they were written by a drunk time traveler?
I’ve Lost The Plot (And Maybe My Mind)
Did I go to law school for this? Did I even go to law school? Maybe this is all an elaborate prank. Maybe I’m still in high school and this is a really weird career day presentation. Is it normal to forget what century you’re in? Asking for a friend. The friend is me. I’m the friend. I need… something. Sleep? Coffee? A time machine? Maybe I’ll become a professional buggy driver. Or van driver. Or buggy-van hybrid driver. Is that a thing? If anyone needs me, I’ll be… somewhere. Probably. Unless I’ve turned into a horse. Can people turn into horses? After this case, I’m not ruling anything out. I’m going to bed. Or to stare at the wall and try to remember if cars have always existed or if that’s a new thing. Same thing, right? [Unintelligible mumbling fades out, followed by soft snoring]