Legal Referral’s Incoherent Babbling: Are Slip and Fall Cases Real or Just a Sick Joke?Sidewalks, Lawsuits, and Why I Need a Sidewalk Slip and Fall Accident Attorney for My Own Sanity
[Sound of coffee mug clinking] Is this thing on? Whatever. It’s… what day is it? Who cares.
The Ground: My New Arch-Nemesis
Slip and fall. Fall and slip. Why is gravity such a jerk? Had a case today. Or was it yesterday? Guy slipped on… wait for it… nothing. AIR. He slipped on air. Or so he claims. Maybe oxygen is out to get us. Is oxygen the real villain here? Note to self: Sue oxygen. No, wait. That’s stupid. I’m stupid. I’m tired. Where was I?
Body Parts That Apparently Hate Us
Rotator cuff surgery slip and fall. Say that ten times fast. I did. Now my tongue hurts. Can I sue my tongue? Is that a thing? Self-litigation. Sounds like a bad band name.
Motorcycles: Because Walking Wasn’t Dangerous Enough
Oh, and just to spice things up, let’s throw in some wrongful death motorcycle accidents. Because apparently, the ground trying to kill us wasn’t exciting enough. Had to add speed. And wheels. And… what are those loud things motorcycles have? Mufflers? No, that’s not right. Horns? Whatever. The vroom-vroom makers.
The Art of Not Tailgating on Two Wheels
Following distance motorcycle. It’s like… you know when you’re a kid and you’re playing follow the leader? It’s like that, but if you mess up, you die. Fun game, right? Why do people even ride these death traps? Note to self: Buy a motorcycle. No, wait. That’s the lack of sleep talking.
Helmet Hair: The Least of Your Problems
Helmet after motorcycle crash. Use it as a planter. Or a really uncomfortable hat. Or… what are those things you put goldfish in? Bowls. A really unsafe goldfish bowl. Just don’t wear it again, okay? Is that so hard to understand?
Why Am I Like This?
I need sleep. Or a new job. Or both. Is professional napper a thing? Can you slip and fall while napping? Probably. Knowing my luck, I’d find a way. If you need me, I’ll be… I don’t know. Somewhere. Questioning my life choices. Or gravity. Or both. Is it too late to become a professional bubble wrap tester? Gotta be safer than this. And popping bubble wrap sounds nice right now. Pop. Pop. Pop… [Unintelligible mumbling fades out]